Rules OF Engagement

  • 50. There’s no shame in casually leaving your ring size lying around.
  • 49. Don’t wear a fedora at your wedding.
  • 48. No, the DJ will not play “Free Bird.”
  • 47. Rings hidden in champagne flutes are a choking hazard.
  • 46. Be sure to clear your history after browsing for rings online.
  • 45. Stick to traditional suit colors—no camo.
  • 44. “Fiancée” is pronounced like “Beyoncé.”
  • 43. Remember to change your Bitmoji’s outfit on your wedding day.
  • 42. You know it’s meant to be when he shares his Netflix password.
  • 41. Open bar is reception priority #1.
  • 40. Bride wars start over who gets the most Likes.
  • 39. Playlists are the new mixtapes.
  • 38. Always consult her besties first.
  • 37. There is no hashtag limit on engagement announcements.
  • 36. Marriage is #NoFilter.
  • 35. It’s not official until it’s Facebook official.
  • 34. Don’t tell Grandma you met on Tinder.
  • 33. Your engagement should always be engaging.
  • 32. Marriage proposals should never include emoji.
  • 31. Hire a photographer so she can post it on Instagram.
  • 30. It’s okay if your engagement lasts longer than your student loan payment.
  • 29. Love stories trump Snap stories any day.
  • 28. Check her Pinterest board before you make the big purchase.
  • 27. Let someone else live-Tweet your wedding.
  • 26. If it’s not on Snapchat, it didn’t happen.
  • 25. The wedding hashtag is more important than the flower arrangements.
  • 24. Swipe right for marriage.
  • 23. Don’t propose in the DM.
  • 22. Don’t post engagement shots until the hashtag is official.
  • 21. There is no judgment allowed regarding the number of posts made during the engagement.
  • 20. Wedding planning is a team sport, no matter how bossy the fiancée.
  • 19. Be nice to your bridesmaids. But if they hate your dress, all bets are off.
  • 18. Double up on deodorant before you pop the question.
  • 17. Tell her that no, she shouldn’t lose weight for the wedding. Support her when she ignores you.
  • 16. Don’t act like you’re better than your friends just because you got engaged first, even though you definitely are.
  • 15. Repeat the following mantra ten times a day: “My mother means well.”
  • 14. Tell your parents before blasting it online.
  • 13. Do not let your friends “try it on.”
  • 12. Kiss like a movie poster.
  • 11. Take off your damn hat.
  • 10. She’s been dieting for months. Let her pick the cake.
  • 9. Get down on one knee because two is begging.
  • 8. It’s okay to punctuate her “Yes” with an end-zone dance.
  • 7. If not certain, never propose in public.
  • 6. Do not propose with a karaoke mic.
  • 5. Do not hide the ring in lasagna.
  • 4. You may have found each other online, but it doesn’t mean you should buy a ring there.
  • 3. Size isn’t everything. There’s also the color, cut and clarity.
  • 2. You still ask for her parents’ blessing. If you’re paying for the wedding, you don’t care what the answer is.
  • 1. Love sparkles with a ring from Smyth.